Posts Tagged ‘poop’

We are not born knowing.

Long have I held that repetition is the key to learning.  Repetition.  It’s the key to learning.  Learning.  But you, my good lady, may be ready to disabuse me of that notion.  This must be the fifth time today you have called me to tell me of your poop.  And how it’s not coming out.  And I am running out of ways to tell you the same thing again and again.  I do believe that your altered sewer system has made you “shy of bowel”.  I believe you, I do, and yet I think your disdain for water, fiber, and laxatives also contribute.  I have outlined this whole metaphor where your bowels are like this membrane that is permeable to water… wait, that’s not a metaphor, it’s an actual-phor.  I have also outlined a plan for you, wherein you hang up the phone, walk to your door, open it, and purchase some Miralax.  Then you find a working potty and let the magic happen.  It has miracle in the name, for the love of all that is holy!

But hope springs eternal – perhaps we can find some common ground.  I agree with you that bad plumbing is bad, and better plumbing would be better.  Yet despite your extremely detailed and accurate descriptions of where you think the septic tank went wrong, I must reiterate: I am a nurse, not a plumber.  I nurse, but do not plumb?  I plumb not, lest I be plumbed?

Let me transfer you to our social worker.


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